I miss my friends.

Things haven't been the best this week. My good friend decided to take her own life. I wasn't mad at her when I found. I always see in films and television that people are angry at those that take their own life. I feel like I can't be mad at her because I know how it is to feel so low. I keep thinking that at least she's not in pain any more. According to the five stages of grief, I might feel Denial, Anger, Bargaining and Depression, but I felt like I was headed straight for acceptance. I'm not being callous, but I loved her very much and it hurt me to see her in pain. Depression only came after, when I spoke with a close friend on the phone and really broke down. Her funeral is starting right now, and I can't be there, so I wanted to do something for her in her memory.

To add injury to injury, my sweet little hamster Wicket also died on Thursday night, the same night I found out about my friend. I believe that Wicket was scared to death by my housemate's dog. I found Wicket lying in my walk-in closet and nearly lost it right there. I kept it together enough to dump the contents out of a shoebox and place her in it. I buried her this morning in our backyard. I dug a hole and put a layer of her Aspen bedding in it. I laid her on top of it and petted her a few more times. During her life, she never let me pet her so much. She was always so squirmy and just wanted to run around, but now she just lay there. Her fur was still soft. I put another layer of bedding around her and then on top of her, said goodbye and then filled in her hole. Though my housemates offered to help, I did it by myself. I think it was best that way, because I got to say "goodbye" alone.

I miss them both very much.

4 comment(s).:

July 28, 2008 at 9:00 PM MPU said...

I'm so sorry. It's okay to hurt.

August 4, 2008 at 10:59 PM Will said...

Damn dude, I just asked you how you were on Face book, then I read this. I hope things are going alright.

August 9, 2008 at 11:07 PM Anonymous said...

Oh, Lee. This is all so horrible. I'm so very sorry. I understand what you mean about not being angry, but it is so terribly sad. Little Wicket, too. :(

I wish I could be there for you. I'd take you out for dinner and probably humiliate myself in some way by saying something inappropriate.

August 10, 2008 at 12:20 AM Lee said...

Thanks for all of your support. It means a lot to me.