Bad movies with great lines.

Some movies are bad. Just plain awful. You know, really the pits. But sometimes you sit through them hoping that a chuckle will come along. Sometimes it doesn't because the movie just isn't funny. Straight Talk starring Dolly Parton and James Woods is one of these movies (yes, you read that right... Dolly Parton and James Woods as love interests... classic). Throughout it's entire runtime, not a single damn laugh.

Some movies are consistently bad, but have that one moment, that moment that makes you laugh out loud and feel and emptiness in your stomach because you know it's the only laugh you'll get from the movie. It's almost as if the line belongs in a better movie.

Doctor Detroit
Doctor Detroit is about a geek who is used as a scapegoat for a pimp (Howard Hesseman, I miss this guy) who is trying to evade the wrath of the dreaded mom. The movie makes me want to cry, swallow my tears and throw them back up, but it does have one of the funniest lines I've ever heard in a movie.

Dan Aykroyd (as Dr. Detroit): Mom, I'm going to rip off your head and shit down your neck.

Summer Rental
John Candy takes family on summer vacation to a rented beach house. "Hilarity" ensues.

Bartender: What can I get you?
John Candy: How about... drunk.

The Witches of Eastwick
This movie was interminably silly, the only kind of silly I don't like.

Cher: I am positive that you are the most unattractive man that I have ever met in my entire life. In the short time that we have been together, you have demonstarted every loathsome charcteristic of the male personality and you have even invented some new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have a lousy sense of humour, no taste and you smell, you're not even interesting enough to make me sick.
Jack Nicholson: Do you want to be on the top or bottom?
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1 comment(s).:

April 14, 2008 at 11:15 AM Timber Beast said...

How about "Death to Smoochy"? Any good lines in there?

How are you doing with Eggers' "Velocity"?